GOM Chapter 14: The menu and the crossword.

Menu approved for Saturday's dinner party.

Fishcakes (a la The Ivy) with tartare sauce to begin - Tarragon chicken with good old fashioned roast potatoes, lemon glazed carrots and snow peas for main and dessert will be Orange Tiramisu (translation for tiramisu, “pick me up”). Not only is the menu approved but my friend wishes to be a student for the fishcakes and the chicken – he isn't fond of desserts but, at the age of 72, wants to expand his culinary repertoire and includes the tiramisu too. More of this to follow nearer the time.

Now a word about crosswords. I'm not talking about the coffee break “quickie” - these are complex, high velocity full on “slowies”. For some time now I've referred to them as “Chinese crosswords” because they might as well be written in Mandarin. You get my drift.

The GOMs day begins with sudoku and other miscellany and they then move on to the big stuff. Imagine an ordinary grid – normally you're given a list of clues, down and across. With the Chinese version you're given a title, plus a set of instructions that on their own would defeat most mortals but become clear when the puzzle is successfully solved.

The GOM spend hours pouring over their quest. Did you know there is a specific crossword language, for example the initial “r” can mean “take”, “right”, “rule”, I could go on!

This particular day is an easy “go with the flow” day. I am on hide duty watching all my regular friends, the herons, the jumpin' fish, the swallows et al. There is a faint background bickering from the GOM but nothing out of the ordinary.

Moving on 2 hours and critically close to a very important sporting event – can't remember which - either golf or soccer on the widescreen – but the pressure is on, suddenly there's some colourful loud language – they had solved the puzzle but weren't too pleased – the correct reading of the instructions resulted in the completed grid being totally empty – best to keep my distance.....I'll stick with dinner party planning!